I always hear some parents say, when you spare the rod, you spoil the child. There’s no doubt about that. But at the same time, when you over use the rod, it becomes a problem sometimes. Remember the bible says; Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. ( Ephesians 6:4). God knows the harm this would cause on the child.
Don’t get me wrong, am not the type of person who subscribes to over pampering of children. Too much of everything they say is bad. Just the way you can’t over pamper your children, you also cannot over use the rod on them.
Beating don’t necessarily mean using a cane. You can beat a child with your mouth. My father never used a cane on me, but he always lashed me with his mouth, and I know the negative effects it had on me.
You want your child to be the best, there’s no problem about that, but they are so many ways to go about it. In my experience in life as an instructor in the children’s ministry, I have come to understand that no two persons are the same, not even siblings.
Don’t you wonder why in some families, you see some very intelligent children and in that same family, you see some very dull ones. And you will be wondering why A is intelligent and B is very dull. In such case, you cannot be flogging or tongue lashing B because he or she is not like A. Before you start dealing with or comparing B with A, you must first find out why that child is like that, that way you will know the best method to use on that child.
For some children, it takes constant flogging to make them sit up, for some constant talking and for others pampering, but you have to know the category which your child falls into. If you use the wrong method, you might end up causing more harm than good. And that child can hate you for it.
Like I said earlier, my dad never flogged me for once till he died, but he used to always tongue lash me, and it had a negative effect on me. There’s no doubt that it had a positive effect, but the negative aspect was more. It made me always want to leave home at the slightest opportunity. Secondly, I couldn’t tell my parents somethings because I was too scared to do so.
Everytime I opened up some sensitive issues, I always pay the price for opening up, so it made me always hide in my shell. Once, I needed a fatherly advice on something, I couldn’t go to my dad, so I had to tell one of his friends who was always and ever willing to listen to me.
When my dad found out, he didn’t like it at all, but you see, he caused it. One would ask, why didn’t you tell your mum instead. My mum couldn’t keep secrets from my dad, so every time I told her something which I didn’t want my dad to know about for fear being tongue lashed, she always told him. So I stopped telling her somethings.
So it made me learn somethings the wrong way, and also made me make too mistakes which I should have avoided.
Now when I gained admission into the higher institution, I always find it very difficult to come back home. The only reason I would come back home was because of my mum. Now my mum on the other hand used to flog me some times, but I loved her more because she flogs me and it just ends there.
Don’t get me wrong, if am asked between my dad and mum who loved me more, I will say it’s my dad. My dad loved me so much, but he didn’t know the method to use on me. I would have preferred that he beats me and it ends, than to tongue lash me for days. That was the kind of father I had. So growing up was a bit difficult for me as a result of that.
Few months ago, I went to visit one of my dad’s very good friends, and I realized that he was behaving exactly the same way my dad used to behave and it made his children run away from home.
Just the way over pampering a child is not good, being too strict on the other hand is also not too good, it has to be balanced. Never compare your child with other children, nobody likes it, even you don’t like it. If you have to do it at all, do it with love and not with spite. Children can tell the difference.
Never use negative words on your child, because whether you like it or not Satan will capitalize on it and use it against your child. Learn to show your children love, it goes a long way to help them physically, psychologically, mentally and spiritually.
The character of a child who grew up with their parents showing them love is always different from their counterpart, these one’s know how to love better than the one’s who grew up the other way.