Beautiful marriages do not fall from heaven. Most of the beautiful marriages that you see today is a product of hard work from both the man and the woman. For you to have a healthy marriage, you have to work on it.
Marriage is like a box what you get from it depends on what you put into it. Just like the saying: you cannot plant cocoyam and reap yam. What you sow is what you will reap. If you sow love, you will reap love, and if you sow problems, you will also reap it.
There is nothing like a perfect marriage. All marriages have their ups and downs, even those lovely couples that you see around fight sometimes. The way you handle your marriage problems matters a lot.
The other day, a lady posted her marital problems in a group I belong to on Facebook and asked for advice. When I see such posts, I like reading people’s comments. Of course, not everybody will give you a piece of good advice. Some people gave her a good piece of advice. But you see, the ball is in your court.
If you take your problems to the public or a third party, you will get a piece of advice quite alright, but how you put the advice into practice matters a lot.
If you have a cheating husband or wife, the way you handle the matter can build or break your home. If you want to enjoy your marriage, you have to practice these few things:
1. Learn to communicate: Communication is the key to marriage. The reason why many marriages are having problems today is a lack of communication. We learn every day. Nobody knows it all. If your spouse does something which you do not like, communicate. Do not just keep quiet and be hurting inside.
I know some people have this terrible character that even if you tell them how badly they have hurt you, they can never say sorry. It is still better to speak than to keep quiet. Some people might not say they are sorry, but next time they will not do it again.
Note: saying am sorry when someone is wrong is never a guarantee that the person will not repeat the same thing. That is where patience comes in.
2. Learn to be patient: This is an important virtue in marriage. Every marriage comes with its problems. For some people, it is a cheating spouse. For some childlessness. For some financial problem. For some bad relatives, and so on. The way to handle this kind of problem is patience. No marriage is a bed of roses. You have to get the roses yourself.
3. Learn to say I am sorry: The bible says; Pride goes before a fall. Some people find it very difficult to say I am sorry. And that is one of the major problems in most marriages. The men are usually guilty of this. Saying am sorry does not make you less a human being. It does not make you less a man. Rather, it makes you a better person.
4. Learn to forgive quickly: Forgiveness, they say is strength. When you forgive, it is called strength. The reason is that forgiveness is not an easy task. Forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply is not easy. But you see, it is one of the ways to have a healthy marriage.
5. Learn to keep an agreement: Not being able to keep to an agreement is one of the major problems most marriages face. For instance, You both agreed to have just two kids. Suddenly the other person wants more children, and then the problem starts. Anything that you know that you will not accept in the future, do not accept it now. Make sure that you sort it out with your spouse early enough, because the moment you both agree on it, trying to change it in the future can destroy your marriage
6. Learn to listen to your spouse: Most people neglect this part a lot, and I have seen it destroy marriages. Listening to your spouse is not just to hear what he or she is saying. It means paying apt attention to what is been said. And also to put it into practice. For instance, your husband tells you, whenever we are having a discussion, always have a pen and a jotter, you say okay. But then you never do it. It can be very annoying and frustrating when you do not listen to your spouse.
7. Learn to respect each other’s feelings: This is another important factor in marriage. Even God does not joke with this part. Respect attracts love. Learn to respect each other’s feelings and opinions. It is important. If your spouse does not want you to touch his or her phone, learn to respect that.
8. Avoid listening to gossips: Gossip has a way of destroying relationships. So if you want to build a healthy relationship, avoid listening to gossip. Be careful when people come to you to gossip about your spouse.
Most people who come to you to gossip about your spouse do not do it because they love you. Some of them might have a motive behind their actions. Even if what they say is true, it is best not to listen, especially if it has something to do with infidelity.
9. Learn to support each other: Supporting each other in times of difficulty is very important, as this helps to strengthen your Union. You can support each other in so many ways. It could be in the area of encouragement, financial, career, and so on. When you support your spouse, you give him or her a sense of belonging.
10. Learn to plan together: Two heads they say are better than one. Before you start any project, first plan it with your spouse. Planning together also helps strengthen your relationship. It gives the other person a sense of belonging. Planning is good because it will make you guys grow.
11. Learn to pray together: Finally, always learn to pray together. I am very sure you have heard the saying: A family that prays together stays together. This is very true. It is difficult for the enemies to come into a family that prays together. Even if they try, it will be difficult for them to succeed.